Big Brotherhood
by Ringo
Summary: THE CONTINUATION --Ten mutants...one house...who can survive???
1. Default Chapter

"Big Brotherhood"

Big Brotherhood

Hey this is Abi, Ringo's best bud. I helped him write this and post it online. To e-mail him, you actually end up e-mailing me. But that's alright, we're practically next door neighbors. Enjoy this! Here's Ringo:

Hello, I'm Ringo, no not Starr, but hey, big Beatles fan. Anyway, I'm your host. What you are about to read just might be the strangest, funniest, and stupidest piece of literature in the world. I am about to take a certain group of mutants and put them together in a single house. The person who can stand everyone else the longest wins! Anyone can leave at anytime they want but can't return. Shifting rivalries, annoying habits, stupid actresses, I mean…um…mutants, and boredom will be our most intimidating factors. Let's have a round of applause (or perhaps insults?) for…THE 

X-MEN! 

Our first guest: Storm. Come one in Storm!

(thunk)

Uh, Storm? You have to _open_ the door before you come inside.

Storm: Oh! Now I see! (opens and enters)

The next guest is the lovely Mystique!

(Sabretooth enters)

Sabretooth! I asked Mystique to come in!

Mystique: This _is_ Mystique! (turns back into herself)

Ah! This is getting confusing! Toad! Sabretooth! Eric or Magneto or whatever the heck you call yourself! Professor X! Jean Grey! Cyclops! Wolverine! Rogue! Get in here!

(they all come in)

Okay everyone! You know the rules! No deliberate killing, whether you're dreaming or not. Hint, hint—Wolverine! You can leave anytime you want, but then you don't win.

Wolverine: Win what?

Um…we'll see when it's all over.

Wolverine: But…

Let the show begin!

Day One:

Professor X: Well, I can't see any reason for not getting along! How about I read everyone's minds and tell you how to use your powers?

(everyone gives everyone the Mr. Spock eyebrow)

Wolverine: I think I'm gonna go upstairs. (everyone agrees)

Professor X: Wait! I'm in a wheelchair! I can't use those stairs! (nobody listens and everyone starts up the stairs)

Storm: (snort) Ha, ha! Stupid cripple! (trips and falls down stairs, breaking arm and lower back)

(nobody cares, so we're not going to even to add the screams)

Meanwhile Upstairs:

Wolverine: I'm thirsty. Where's the kitchen?

Rogue: Ah thank it's ova thayer. (points) Were you in the army?

Wolverine in kitchen: Wow! Nothin' but beer! And, hey! Here's a box of cigars…(pause)…Hey, guys. I just realized something. Since I have my healing power, I can drink all the beer I want and smoke cigars till I'm blue in the face, without ever getting drunk or having health problems! (pause) YESSS!!!!

Meanwhile:

Toad thinking to himself: I can't stand these losers! I'm gonna hang out on the ceiling till this whole bloody thing's over!

Jean Grey: Hey! I'm not a loser!

Toad: Stupid bloody American mind readers!  
  


Wolverine: Hey guys! I'm not drunk yet! (chug, chug, chug) And I don't have liver problems either!!!

Toad: See?! What'd I tell you? Losers! All losers!!

Well, this is developing nicely! Let's see what's going on downstairs, shall we?

Professor X: Great! Just great! The battery on my @#$%ing wheelchair's gone dead! And I'm stuck down here with this white-haired sob! I wish I was Captain Picard!

Well there you go! So far we've seen more violence and profanity than in a Stephen King novel!…or not. But this is only the beginning! Join us tomorrow on…BIG BROTHERHOOD!!!


	2. Day Two

Day Two:

Well! What an interesting night's sleep! Wolverine nearly killed Rogue _again_, Cyclops wet the bed and Toad woke up and forgot he was on the ceiling. (thunk)

Wolverine: Hey guys! I'm not drunk yet!

Magneto: Would you shut up?! I'm sick of you making stupid comments all the time! One more bad line and I'm going to use my magnetic powers to rip up the steel foundations of this building and the whole thing will collapse on top of us!!!

Jean Grey: Well, at least you don't have to wash all of Cyclops' wet sheets!

Wolverine: Hey guys! I'm not drunk yet!!

Well! We can see the tension building up already! I wonder who will be the first to snap. Let's find out, downstairs. Professor X has become delusional from hunger.

Professor X who believes himself to be Captain Picard: _I'm_ not wheelchair-bound! Die you white-haired Klingon!

Storm: Do you know what happens to a mutant when she falls down the stairs?

Picard: Wait a minute! Those white eyes look familiar! It's Jordie with a wig! Let's get you back to Dr. Crusher at sickbay! Picard to Enterprise. Energize! (They get beamed up.)

There you have it folks, Professor X…I mean "Captain Picard" and the unconscious Storm have left the scene and we're down to eight mutants. Let's see what they're doing. 

Mystique and Rogue have gotten in a catfight over the last Twinkie in the box. Let's watch:

Toad: Bloody Americans! Them and their Twinkies!

Wolverine: I'm not drunk yet guys!!!

Magneto: I'm not sure I'm seeing what I'm seeing…

Cyclops covering eyes: Tell me when it's o-over!

Sabretooth: RRRRROOOOAAAARRRR!!!

Jean Grey: Well at least Wolverine's too busy 'not getting drunk' to stare at me.

Wolverine: I'm still not drunk yet!!!

Sabretooth: Shut up you little alcoholic &@%*!!

Wolverine: Shut up yourself, or I'll…I'll…

Sabretooth: What? Throw a beer can at me?

Wolverine: I'll…I'll…slip into my Hugh Jackman Australian accent!!!

Sabretooth: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mystique: Yes!!! It's mine!! The Twinkie is mine!!! You didn't have time to take off your stupid gloves!!! Wait a second…..Noooo!!! You squashed it!!! (they resume fighting. Rogue touches Mystique just as Mystique morphs into Rogue then Rogue turns into Mystique just as Mystique, who looks like Rogue but is morphing back into herself, falls to the ground unconscious. Confused? Good.)

Magneto: Mystique beat Rogue! No, Rogue beat Mystique?! No! Ah, you lost me…

Toad: Join the Brotherhood, he said! Rule the world, he said! He never said anything about a bloody game show!!!!!!!

(P.S. Thanks to Abi for that last line and a few random others.)

Dost thee want the madness to continue?? Let me know!!


	3. Day Three

Big Brotherhood (continued)

Big Brotherhood 

(the continuation)

Yes! It's finally here! The second episode of Big Brotherhood! I must thank all the people who sent me reviews, but if your review states "no comment", then why bother sending it? Also, adding more detail to my writing is not practical. I made them short and funny on purpose; I don't want a Charles Dickens' novel on my hands with paragraphs between every joke. No offense. Where were we? Oh yes! Tension is building up incredibly. We're down to eight mutants: Wolverine, Rogue, Jean Grey, Cyclops, Toad, Mystique, Sabretooth and Magneto. So sit back, grad a bag of popcorn, or cheesecake, or lasagna, or…never mind….and enjoy!

Day 3:

Because of the extreme amount of paranoia, rivalry and suspicion, Cyclops has decided it would be a good idea to make a friend.

Specifically: Magneto.

Cyclops (thinking to himself): _Hmm…What could I do to make Magneto my friend? I could polish his shoes, or give him a sponge bath or something…No, no, no, he might not go for that…I'll impress him! I could say something clever…No, I'm too stupid to say anything clever…I'll tell a joke! Yeah! I'll tell Magneto a joke!_

Well, you just got a peek at Cyclops' thoughts. I'm debating over the best word to describe them. Pathetic or scary?

Cyclops: Hey Magneto! Wanna hear a joke?

Magneto: (bored) Sure.

Cyclops: Okay, a guy walks in to a—

Magneto: Let me guess…a bar.

Cyclops: Darn! You must have heard this one!

Wolverine: (barely heard in background) I'm still not drunk yet! Did somebody say something about a bar?

Magneto: Arrgh! (sigh) No, it's alright, you can continue, Cyclops.

Cyclops: Okay, a guy walks into a bar and—

Rogue: Ah walked inta a bar once.

Everyone: Shut up Rogue!

Magneto: (aggravated) Continue.

Cyclops: A guy walks into a bar and sees a Jew, Adolf Hitler and Mussolini, sitting at a table so he—

Magneto: IS THIS A HOLOCAUST JOKE?!

Cyclops: Duh…yeah.

Magneto: I'M A SURVIVOR OF THE HOLOCAUST, YOU PIECE OF—

Sorry folks, but the following scene has been censored due to extreme graphic violence and obscene language. Magneto was kicked out because he broke the rule of "no deliberate killing", which also explains the absence of Cyclops. Let's see how everyone's reacting to the aftermath of the violence:

Jean Grey: Well, I'm not cleaning up after _this_. I always had to clean his wet sheets, but I'm _not_ cleaning up his remains. Rogue, you do it.

Rogue: But Ah…

Everyone: Shut up Rogue!

Wolverine: Hey guys, I'm not drunk yet!

(Sabretooth forces himself not to rip Wolverine's throat out.)

Some Time Later:

Jean Grey: (reading a magazine) Hey guys, get a load of this article. It's pretty interesting. Scientists have found that alcohol contains 0.07% of the chemical that can break down and liquidate the supposedly indestructible metal, adamantium. Adamantium…That sounds familiar. Anyway, then this chemical combines with the adamantium to form a corrosive acid that can burn through virtually anything…Hey, is it just me or has Wolverine not told us that he's not drunk for the past ten minutes?

Rogue: Maiybe he _is_ drunk.

Everyone: Shut up Rogue!

(Suddenly, Wolverine staggers into the room, falls to the floor and evaporates.)

Rogue: Logan…

Everyone: Shut up Rogue!

Rogue: But…my father figure…

Everyone: SHUT UP ROGUE!

Rogue: WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

We're down to five mutants now. That's half of what we started with! Wolverine doesn't look like he's coming back anytime soon. Such a pity. See ya tomorrow!


	4. Day Four

Day 4:

Day 4:

Yes, we're back again! Pressure is rising and patience is sinking. I'm going to predict our next killing…uh…I mean, leaving of one of the mutants. Nobody likes Rogue and her phony Southern accent, so something will most likely happen on account of that. Also I suspect—Wait! It's about to happen now!

Jean Grey: Ah…no sheets to wash this morning.

Toad (thinking to himself): Bloody Americans…Bloody Americans…BLOODY AMERICANS!

Jean Grey: Would you stop thinking so loud, Toad?

Toad: (at this point, poor Toad has been driven over the edge; he's so overwhelmed by all the stupid Americans that he's finally snapped; he _is_ insane, you know.) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

(Toad jumps from the ceiling, landing squarely on Jean's shoulders, flattening her; he continues to go through the floor and lands in Professor X's wheelchair, which goes through the floor _again_; and so, Toad flattened Jean Grey and the wheelchair and tons of plaster end up in the basement.)

Mystique: He's _soooo_ anti-American.

Sabretooth: What? Because he killed one? You should have seen what we did to the Statue of Liberty!

That's it! We're down to three people! Jean Grey is…well…you know…, but don't worry, Toad's fine. He's on his way back to Britain on a first class luxury cruise, sharing a room with Abi, and is enjoying himself very much. Let's see what everyone's up to, before we say good night:

Mystique and Sabretooth are enjoying a Martini at the bar, now that Wolverine isn't hogging all the alcohol. Oh, did I forget to mention there was a bar? Oh, I guess I forgot to add enough _detail_.

Rogue is crying in a corner.

See ya next time!


End file.
